Lakini jamii imebadilisha dhana siku hizi na ndoa inachukuliwa kama mafanikio bila kuzingatia vigezo mbalimbali vya iwapo mtu amefurahia ndoa yake au la. Mercy Obonyo aliolewa akiwa na umri wa miaka 23 na kila kitu kilionekana sawa. Alikutana na mwanamme ambaye mwanzoni mapenzi yalinoga, na kwa kweli kuna wakati matumaini ya maisha mazuri ya usoni yalimjaa . Ila hakujua yaliyokuwa yamemngoja mbele .
Ghafla baada ya kuishi pamoja kwa takriban mwaka mmoja, mume wake alibadilika na kuanza kumpiga. Ugomvi ulizuka bila kutarajiwa na ungezaa kichapo kikali ambacho mara nyingi kilimuacha na majeraha ya mwili na makovu mazito katika moyo wake. Wakati mwingine, Mercy alijua kwamba maisha yake yangetamatikia mikononi mwa mume wake. Badala ya kuishi mfululizo kama mke na mume, ndoa ilibadilika ikawa ya kukatizwa, na kutengana kwa muda kisha kurejeleana tena .kipigi kingeshuka na maskini mtoto wa kike angelazimika tena kutoroka. Kwa maneno yake, anaeleza taswira ilivyokuwa na sijauvuruga ujumbe wake kwa kutafsiri lolote bali nitatundika kauli zake jinsi alivyoziandika kwa kiingereza ;
‘My friend I got married on 8th march 2016. It was on and off I guess now 3yrs. But we stayed together for like a year’
Ndoa ya Mercy iligeuka na kuwa kama skuli. Shule zinafungwa unarejea nyumbani na zikifunguliwa unarejea shuleni. Baada ya kutengana takriban mara tatu wakirudiana, mara ya nne Mercy aliamua kutoka kabisa na hajawahi kujutia uamuzi wake. Kuhusu kilichomfanya kuamua kutoka kabisa Mercy anasimulia jinsi mume wake alivyompiga akiwa uchi siku moja huku binti yao aliyekuwa na umri wa mwaka mmoja akitazama ;
‘When I was beaten up naked my clothes torn In front of my 1yr old baby na ndio alikua anajifunza kutembea. She was seing all that and crying but the father never stopped. I told myself this is not the life am going to live. He will never change and that's him so it's me to make my choice. It really took me a lot of time. Thinking about my parents, how the community will look at me but I was living for me. It was now my life and that of my baby. The only person i thought of. If I died who would have taken care of her? Mercy anasema
Ni jambo la kusikitisha kwamba kuna wanawake wengi wanaovumilia dhulma ili kuzilinda ndoa zao ambazo zimefeli kimya kimya. Mercy kwa sasa ana umri wa miaka 27 na ameshatalikiana na mume wake. Jamii nayo pia ina unyanyapaa kuhusu wanawake wanaoamua kupata ujasiri wa kuondoka kutoka ndoa za dhulma. kuhusu jinsi jamii ilivyomchukulia baada ya uamuzi wake, Mercy anasema;
‘Society….it will always blame you for everything, I have married friends who come to me saying that their husbands ask them what kind of advice I can offer them… I quote "huwa mnaongea nini na huyo". Even your fellow women judge you a lot’
Mercy anaongeza
‘ One time I was beaten with a two week’s CS scar .I can't forget that, That's when I left for the third time, came back when the baby was about 9 months or so. He treated me well but this time he was away for work. Came back we stayed like for less than 6months then hell broke loose again. That made me leave for a fourth time’.
Mercy anasema wanawake wanafaa kusahau uwezekano wa kuweza kumbadilisha mwanamme ambaye hataki kubadilika. Kuna shinikizo kwa wanawake kuvumilia maovu katika ndoa bila kujali hatari iliyopo .
‘Oh God! Never! violence is too deep into people who are violent . when he was changing I barely recognized him, he punched me in the face severally with care ..there was never any remorse or regret . Nothing can change a bad man. Nothing. I used to really pray -sometimes I would spend up to three hours praying at night.Nothing changed even when we prayed together’.
Mercy anasema alinusurika kifo katika ndoa yake naye pia akaepuka uwezekano wa kutekeleza mauaji . Wakati mwingi alipokuwa akipigwa na mume wake, anasema alijawa na hisia za kutaka kulipiza kisasi ;
‘I remember one day I just fell like picking up a knife and killing him,that urge was really there,i felt so much bitterness that really pressed me -you fight untill the only feeling you are left with is to finish it by killing each other’
Wanawake wengi hupata ugumu wa kukatiza ndoa zao ambazo zimekuwa na madhara kwa maisha yao au hata kuhatarisha uhao wao. Je, Mercy aliwezaje kufanya uamuzi huo na kuondoka?
‘I told my self, what if there's another option of just ending the marriage ? I chose that option because my marriage was toxic, it was at that stage that I realized that I was done. So in such kind of marriage choose you, choose yourself. Put yourself first because you are the driver of your life, so quitting my marriage was not just my last option-it was also my way of staying alive .I chose me, I chose my breath. When you love yourself first you will conquer anything. Because your story only begins with you’. Mercy anasema.
Mrembo huyo ameanza kujikwamua upya katika maisha yake na maajuzi amepata mtoto wake wa pili wa kiume . Anasema kamwe hajutii uamuzi wake na kwa uwezo na imani yake kwa Mola, Mercy anasema sasa ana busara, ujasiri na kila nguvu ya kuweza kuishi maisha yake kwa amani na furaha. Kwa kauli yake ya kumalizia Mercy ana ushauri;
‘Empower yourself . Tafuta pesa zako hata kama ni 10,000 . The work of your hands is Blessed . Men respect empowered women . If it doesn’t work out , you will walk out and continue with your life’ Anakamilisha Mercy